MIHMPOSSIBLE DREAM

Thursday, May 17, 2007

The funny thing about David Stern...

...is that, look, he starts with the premise that the single most important objective of his office is to stop his black players from acting up. Why is that so important to Stern? Because in Stern's mind, that 'acting up' might piss off the largely white fan base of the NBA, especially the upper middle class & rich guys who are basically the only people who can afford to consistently go to games. So ultimately, he does what he does because he thinks the fan base wants it that way. He may be an autocratic asshole, and his actions may be pointless or obnoxious, but that motive--to please the league's fans--is more or less pure.

So now he makes the call on Amare and everyone--and I mean everyone, there's virtually no voice of dissent--is pissed off and thinks it was the most idiotic decision in the history of sports commissionership.

So what has he done here? Simply put, he's pissed off NBA fans because he's afraid of pissing off NBA fans. Sure, upper middle class and rich white guys don't like to see black guys fighting. They also don't like to see the fucking integrity of the game messed with. And they don't like to see world class sporting events decided by short fat guys in suits.

The latter two things happened. The first--black people fighting--did not. It was a nothing of an incident, something that's happened literally thousands of times in the game's history. This wasn't a tough choice between two unpleasant alternatives, this was a slam dunk in favor of ignoring the non-event and maintaining some semblance of fairness and integrity in the fucking game. It's an absolute no-brainer.

But here's what really pisses me off. Stern makes his call, absolutely enrages his league's fans, and then immediately goes hyperdefensive--the hallmark of someone who knows he's FLAT FUCKING WRONG. But instead of being a man and admitting he fucked up worse than any league has ever fucked up, he just ups his already prodigious bitchiness to new and dizzying heights.

Dave, Dave, stop being a little cunt for two seconds and take a step back--why do you do the things you do? Why does this whole NBA thing exist? Why are you so worried about fighting? It's all because of the fans, right? That's the only reason you do anything, because it's what (you think) the fans want you to do.

Well, pal, the fans have spoken. And they're right. By definition, they're right. Even when they're being stupid and unreasonable--e.g., getting their panties in a wad because a couple athletes throw a few half-hearted punches in the heat of battle--they're still right. They're the customer, they get to decide what they do and don't like about your product, and whatever they decide, on whatever basis--they're right.

So don't get defensive, don't get bitchy--you made your decision based, ultimately, on what you thought the fans would want. But you were just dead wrong about what side they would take in the "black people acting up" vs. "integrity of the game" question. You were as wrong as wrong can be. You couldn't get any wronger than the wrongness of this decision. You could be wrong a hundred times a day for a hundred years and only just begin to reach the level of wrong you've achieved here.

I know you can't admit that. I know insecure and stupid people like yourself and George W. Bush are completely incapable of ever admitting error. But you know you're wrong, and we know you're an imbecile. I guess that's going to have to be good enough for me. Until the next time it happens--and it will. People like Stern/Bush never, ever, ever change. To insecure autocratic asswipes like these clowns, admitting you're wrong and doing something different the next time the situation arises is basically an admission of having a small cock.

OTHER OBSERVATIONS

1. Amare is really, really, really important to the Suns. They had *nothing* inside the entire game, and not having that inside presence really let the Spurs extend their D out to the three point line. The Suns got fewer good looks in that game than they do in most *halves* of games. Christ, it seemed like half their offensive possessions down the stretch ended up with Kurt Thomas taking a 15 foot jumper. KT played as tough as anyone has a right to expect, but you aren't going to go very far trying to ride on his back.

2. Tim Duncan might still be the most valuable player in the league. He was unreal on the defensive end, just completely shutting down everything the Suns did. Their defensive gameplan basically boiled down to:

A. Bowen on Nash like a dingo on a baby.

B. Everybody else play tight D on the perimeter and give up the drive.

C. Duncan takes care of everything else.

And he did. Some of those blocks were just sick, he was erasing shots out there. And that run in the second half where he scored like 5 straight times down the court, that changed the game. Once the Suns were forced to start doubling him, the Spurs got good looks the entire rest of the way. If they had gotten hot shooting the ball (instead of being ice cold most of the game), they probably would've run away with it.

3. Bruce Bowen is a brilliant defender, Raja Bell is just pretty good--definitely not a first-team all-defensive guy.

I always thought Bowen was a bit overrated, but I think that's because Kobe doesn't seem to have much trouble with him. But Kobe always dominates smallish defenders, the longer guys like Marion and Prince are the ones he sometimes struggles with. But what Bowen has been doing to Nash in this series has completely opened my eyes. Nash is still putting up decent numbers and making big plays--no one can shut down a player as great as him--but man, Bowen is really making him work out there. I can't believe how many turnovers he's forced Nash into.

Raja Bell, on the other hand, couldn't do shit against Ginobili in the second half when the Suns needed just a couple key stops. How many goddamn times did he go under the screen & let Manu have a free look at a 3? That's *terrible* defense. It's one thing for Barbosa to struggle with Ginobili--as he did--but when they switch Mr. First Team All-Defensive over there, I expect him to make a difference. He didn't, and Ginobili won the game for them.

5 Comments:

At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm curious to know how Stern arrived at the conclusion that fighting is horrible for business. Baseball players have bench-clearing brawls all the time and no one ever seems to care. And does anyone really think the problem with the NHL is the fighting?

It seems like whenever a fight breaks out - in any sport - the fans go to their feet and cheer loudly. And of course, every fight gets replayed 58 times the next morning on ESPN. Do these legions of fight-averse sports fans actually exist - and are they actually critical to the NBA's profitability?
(Personally, I'm not exactly pro-fighting, but I view it as a sign of passion on the players' part. I want them to go all out, and if that means occasionally getting carried away and losing their cool, so be it.)

 
At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree, I'm not at all convinced either that the occasional NBA fight hurts the sport in any way. And if it does, then TWMA sports fans are even bigger candyass pansies devoid of masculinity and afraid of life than I previously thought.

Obviously the Pistons brawl has a lot to do with Stern's draconian crackdown, the league is scared to death of something like that happening again. But c'mon, that was one goddamn time in the history of the sport, a perfect storm of a bunch of thug players and a thug crowd (why Ben Wallace's brother isn't in prison right now is beyond me). Let's not overreact here, to the point where one of the best players in the league is getting suspended for the most important game of the season for taking two steps off the fucking bench.

But with Stern it's about more than just fighting, that's just one thing the league has some control over. It's more a problem of perceived 'general thuggishness' of NBA players. I'll bet he cringes a lot more when a player gets arrested for doing something stupid than he does when a fight breaks out (although the NBA curiously doesn't really do anything to punish off-the-court problems the way the NFL does. But I'll bet it's coming soon).

Now I don't know if that perception is fair or not--do NBA players really get arrested or whatever any more than other athletes? Or is it just that NBA players are a lot more prone to, uh, 'being black' than other athletes, and white sports fans' perceptions are at least in part race-based?

Regardless, I agree with Stern that it *is* the perception among sports fans. I just don't agree with what he thinks he needs to do to change that perception. He's gone way, way too far over the line on the law & order side. There's a happy medium there somewhere, and it's not so much a fine line, it's like a fucking time zone.

 
At 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great stuff, as always.

2 things I'd like to see next with this blog: more frequent columns,
t-shirt sales.

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger Jackwraith said...

Definitely t-shirts.

Like "Don't be a TWMASW. Tool."

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger daranedmonds said...

What the blog really needs is an RSS feed or at least the ability to subscribe via email. Both can easily be set up for free using feedburner.com

Great post.

 

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