SEX AND THE BBC

(Note: I realize this has nothing to do with basketball; I may be trying to incorporate some non-NBA columns into the blog. Haven't decided if this is a permanent thing or not yet. I'll let you know.)

...I'm watching BBC America ("The Robinsons"--a lukewarm recommendation), and an ad comes on for text-messaging-sex. You text a message to a certain number and you get back sexually explicit messages.

Now phone sex is weird enough for me--I mean, between pornography and prostitution, I'd be pretty much set as a single guy--but I can at least see *some* value in it. Most men enjoy dirty talk from women, and contrary to what your typical stand-up comic has to say on the matter of phone sex, you can absolutely tell if a woman talking to you is young and thin just by her voice--she might be fugly in the face, but it's probably not some nasty-ass old skank whispering dirty nothings in your ear.

But texting? I can't see how you could possibly get off on that. And I haven't scouted it out, being more of a visual stimulee, but I have to imagine the internet is awash in erotic literature. So if that's your thing, you can get it for free.

Now here's the *really* fucked up thing: it costs two dollars--A MESSAGE. $2 a message! And it's text messaging, you don't exactly get a paragraph per message. So you're sitting there with your pud in your hand, going back and forth with what almost certainly is some hairy-ass sleezeball guy laughing at your patheticness, and you're coughing up a couple bucks every time you get back "I'm licking your ballsac, I'm putting lotion on your cock, I'm putting my finger up your ass".

That has to add up! So what, you're dropping $20-$30-$50 for this? For this lame-ass sexual experience? When in this glorious age of porn, we have available every jpeg, every mpeg, and (I'm sure) every mp3 that specifically addresses all of your most sick and perverse fetishes, with unlimited downloads for $10 a month?

So here are my questions:

WHO IS BUYING THIS? And how is this product generating repeat business once these dumbass losers see a $40 charge on their wireless bills? And how are they making enough money to advertise at all? And why are they advertising on BBC America?

Something doesn't add up here. Until you remember that 95% of people are stupid and 100% of men are fucked up sexually.

P.S. Speaking of TV recommendations, I have a strong one for you: "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". It's a low-budget show on FX (channel 248 on DirecTV), starring three very talented young guys who write all the episodes. To date there have been two seasons, 6 episodes in 2005, and 6 more in 2006. The former episodes are pure gold, every single one of them a gem, some of the funniest shit I've seen on TV since "Arrested Development" got the axe.

In the 2006 season, they brought in Danny Devito for some star power (most likely necessary to stay on the air), and the show suffered a bit. No slight to Devito, who does a good job, but it's just a weird fit--the plot lines with him feel a little forced. But the 2006 season is still funny as hell. So check it out, they're currently playing reruns from both seasons. It's really a fantastic show, a rare funny, edgy and original comedy that stands out in a sea of mediocrity, below-averageness, downright crappiness, and Scrubs.